Today i had a compulsion. You know, one of those things people think are like meaningful? Like the big dude is saying do it, its cool? yeah those things. Well i had a compulsion to walk to hornby mall. So i did. Pretty exciting so far.
Well as i slowly moved towards my destination, alternating between walking and jogging cause i felt like i should do more excercise (one of those compulsion things again) i found something on the side of the road. It was a two old school books, ragtagged and shited, lying flapping on the side of the road, a pair of roadkilled, struck down deaded birds, feathers flapping in the wind still, mocking the life once instilled in them. So being of the curious sort i picked them up and read.
....................................................................................
.................................Jo Bloggs..........................................
....................................Page 1...........................................
Thought Analysis
I'm meant to be doing homework
Rambo is cute
her butt was cute
you can't wait on her like that
your too old
Thought what if this doesn't work
Thought about cup day
Thought about Mama's hours
Thought that i'm eighteen
Thought that i could have a personality disorder
Thought i must be studying
Thought that i'm a gypsy
Thought that she needs to have time off
thought that she's worked too hard
thought that we're all not perfect
thought that my brothers okay
thought bout oscar
thought i nearly fell asleep
thought that i'm cold
thought thougt that i try to be perfect at uni
thought i dn't wannna be eighteen
thought what if i fail
thought i am a failure
thought i get so angry
thought i wanna die
thought well i'm nearly there
thought i don't wanna go to prize giving
thought i care wat people think about me
thought they must get annoyed
thought tough love
thought mum musn't think its that bad
thought niks a dick
thought i'm cold
thought she hates me
thought its sweet
......................................Page 2.........................................
i've had enough, literally
i'm cold and wet and small
and i want 2 die
i no lnger want 2 fight
i'm ready 2 surrender.................thought gotta keep
after exams i'm dead.................doing this
i'm gone underwater................thought about lady
exams are over its quits...........wanting daughter to
i give in............................achieve something
i give up.............................thought about dave
i resign, i can't, i wept, i'll see....thought hayley
i want to go............................thought i'm tired t
live alone and safe.....................................bored
i've been so narcissistic i know.........thought i wish i didn't
i'm ashamed about that...................have to face these
my thoughts r ruining me.................thoughts
i can't i want it over again
i give in, dad its hard
dad i'm angry
dad its cold and i'm scared
r u alive?
i don't wanna do this
what if i can't do this/
i can't be stuffed
i'm tired and sore
i don't wanna have these thoughts nemore
i seriously don't - i'm tired of them
i wanna be different
i wanna feel different
my head hurts
I'M A LESBIAN
...i wanna go home
...i'm tired and i want to go home
...i'm tired i'm bored i'm sick
...i fear i'm dead, i'm done i'm out
...i give up, i give in, i give out, i can't i wont
...can't live with thoughts...
...thought its going to be alright
....................................End..............................................
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